An American living in London took his first visit to a national icon - not Harrods nor Buckingham Palace, but another unmissable UK landmark: .
Tyler James Sonson's friends - the sausage roll, vegan sausage roll, steak bake, sausage cheese and bean melt, pepperoni pizza and the tottenham cake, to initiate him into UK life.
After being "immediately hit with a golden hue" from all the pastries, he wrote for the Daily Star that he was far from impressed by his six-course tasting menu, and aplogised in advance to British people for his cutting verdict.
Even though the iconic sausage roll received his highest ranking of all at 3.5/5, he said: "The light pastry filled with sausage hailed as a British delicacy, didn't live up to the hype.
"The pastry was flaky (which I loved); however, the sausage lacked flavour. I was expecting the iconic roll to slay my taste buds - however it all felt very bland."
The vegan alternative didn't fare any better: "The quorn filling tasted artificial, almost resembling Pax sage and onion stuffing."
When it came to the sausage, cheese and bean melt, understandably he was perplexed at mixing beans with pastry: "Eating a pastry filled with baked beans is a wild concept, but pairing it with sausage and cheese is twisted.
But despite intial confusion, he lamented it wasn't as bad as he thought, ranking it the same as the vegan sausage roll at 3/5.
He saved the real beating for the humble steak bake, likening it to cat food: "My initial reaction to the steak bake was that it looked like some sort of 'mystery meat', or cat food.
"And it continued to go downhill from there. Instead of juicy, flavorful beef, the filling tasted uninspired and too gelatinous."
The pepperoni pizza was just as badly rated at a meagre 2/5, but one might say his expectations were too high longing for the a New York-style slice.
He jabbed: "Sadly though, I realised it was my worst nightmare. The cult classic was riddled with sugar, devoid of customary flavours - leaving me sick to my stomach."
Even though Greggs isn't renowned for its sweet treats, the Tottenham Cake scored the best at a strong 4/5.
Tyler still managed to take a small swipe: "Although dry, the flavours from the pink raspberry and coconut fondant didn't disappoint and would pair perfectly with custard."
After offering a mild apology to Brits, he concluded: "Apart from every item being cold, the flavours just weren't there - leaving my American palate wanting more."
As a proud Northerner coming from a town which has four greggs for its meagre 100,000 population, I feel a sense of betrayal typing his remarks, but maybe a review of an American chain is next on the cards.
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