9 Reasons Why Tough Love Parenting Will Not Work For Your Child

Tough love is not something that many children agree with. The idea behind the same is that while the punishment or rules may seem difficult for the children and at times seem unfair to them, it will eventually do them a lot of good. For example, when you do not allow your child to go to sleepovers while other parents are okay with it. The kids will believe you to be unfair but you understand that children are often pushed to do things they aren’t comfortable with during these hangouts. Later on, when they understand your reasoning they may be more open to your suggestions and rules as they know it is coming from a place of love. But these often do not work with children and can invite opposition and maybe extreme reactions. Here are some reasons why tough love may not be for your child.

It can damage relationshipsWhen you refuse to give a reason for your punishment or rules to them, they may believe it is coming from a place of malice rather than love. Tough love parenting can strain the parent-child relationship, and that can often lead to feelings of resentment, anger, and distrust. It can create low self-esteemTelling your children when they are wrong or when they haven’t done a good job may seem like the right thing to do, but when this becomes too critical, it can cause children a lot of pain. Children raised with tough love may develop low self-esteem due to constant criticism and negative reinforcement. It encourages rebellious behaviourTough love can backfire, leading to rebellious behaviour as children try to assert their independence and defy authority. This is especially true for teens as they believe they know what is best for them and when you stop them from doing things they wish to do, they will do it behind your back It creates mental health issuesWhile discipline is important, when it is overdone, it can be a difficult thing for children to navigate. When they do not understand what the consequences are for, it creates distrust and sadness for the child. Harsh discipline can contribute to mental health problems, such as anxiety, depression, and even substance abuse. It creates a lack of trustChildren always trust their parents above all. But as they grow old they will start questioning your motives and why you are asking certain things off them and not giving them a reason will cause them to be distrustful. Children raised with tough love may struggle to trust others. They have difficulty forming relationshipsChildren who experience a lack of emotional support may have difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life. Trust is a major factor for children to be able to make friends and other relationships in their lives but having grown up around parents who do not share their understanding of things, they find it difficult to form these relationships. It causes limited emotional intelligenceTough love parenting can hinder the development of emotional intelligence, making it difficult for children to understand and manage their emotions. When you communicate with your children about what you would like them to do and why, they learn. When you do not, they become dependent on what others will say. It has short-term resultsWhile tough love may produce short-term compliance, it may not address the underlying causes of behavioural problems. They will listen to you and do what you ask of them, but soon when their issues remain unsolved and unheard they will revert to their old habits. It creates individual differencesChildren are unique individuals with different personalities and needs. A one-size-fits-all approach like tough love may not be effective for all children. You must listen to your child and make them understand your perspective while you try to do the same for them.